36 Questions to Fall in Love: The Full List, in Order (Play Free Online)

The 36 questions, in order

Go through them in order: the sets are built to start light and get closer. Questions 8, 11, 22, 25, 28, 31 and 36 include a small task for both of you, so do it together before moving on. Every question can be answered at whatever depth feels right, and skipping one is always fine.

Set I (questions 1 to 12): warming up

These are curious and easy to answer. Think of them as getting comfortable.

1. If you could invite anyone in the world to dinner, who would sit at your table?
2. Would you like to be famous? What for?
3. Do you rehearse what you'll say before a phone call? Why, or why not?
4. What would a perfect day look like for you, start to finish?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? And when did you last sing to someone else?
6. You'll live to 90 and can keep either the mind or the body of a 30-year-old for your last 60 years. Which one?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how your life will turn out?
8. Find three things you two seem to have in common.
9. What in your life are you most grateful for?
10. If you could change one thing about how you were brought up, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as you can. No stopwatch needed, just don't skip the good parts.
12. If you woke up tomorrow with one new quality or ability, what would you pick?

Set II (questions 13 to 24): getting closer

Here the questions turn to dreams, memories and what matters to you.

1. A crystal ball can tell you the truth about yourself, your life or the future. What do you ask?
2. Is there something you've dreamed of doing for a long time? What has held you back?
3. What's the proudest accomplishment of your life so far?
4. What do you value most in a friend?
5. What's your most treasured memory?
6. What's a memory you'd rather not have? Share as much as feels right.
7. If you knew this was your last year, what would you change about how you live now?
8. What does friendship mean to you?
9. What part do love and affection play in your life?
10. Take turns naming something you admire in each other, five things in all.
11. How close and warm is your family? Was your childhood happier or harder than most?
12. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother, or whoever raised you?

Set III (questions 25 to 36): going deep

The most personal set. Save it for a moment when you both feel relaxed.

1. Each say three true sentences that begin with "We", like "We both feel..." or "We're lucky to...".
2. Finish this sentence: "I wish I had someone I could share ... with."
3. If we became close friends, what would you want me to know about you?
4. Take turns sharing what you like about each other, as honestly as you'd say it to someone you've just met.
5. Tell your partner about an embarrassing moment in your life. Laughing is allowed.
6. When did you last cry in front of someone? And when did you last cry alone?
7. Tell your partner something you already like about them.
8. Is anything too serious to joke about? What?
9. What's something you'd regret never having told someone?
10. Your home is on fire. Everyone you love is safe, and you have time to grab one thing. What do you take, and why?
11. Who in your family do you worry about losing most, and what do you wish they knew about how you feel?
12. Share a personal problem and ask your partner how they'd handle it. Then ask them how you seem to feel about it.

How to do the 36 questions

1. Find about an hour with no screens or interruptions, somewhere you both feel comfortable.
2. Take turns reading each question out loud. The reader can answer first, or let the other go first.
3. Both of you answer every question, in as much or as little detail as feels right. Listen to the whole answer before you reply.
4. Do the small tasks (like sharing what you admire in each other) before you move on.
5. Stay in order, set by set. You can stop between sets and pick up another day.
6. Optional ending: sit facing each other and look into each other's eyes in silence for four minutes. Laugh if you need to, and skip it if either of you would rather not.

Tips to get the most out of them

• Listen more than you plan your answer. The questions work because you give each other full attention.
• Ask one follow-up on an answer you liked ("what was that like?"). That is where the best moments happen.
• Skip or shorten anything that feels like too much. Nobody is keeping score.
• Put phones on silent, or use one phone for the cards and turn off notifications.
• They suit new couples, long-term couples, first dates and close friends alike.

You do not need to match each other's depth. One person can answer in a sentence and the other in a story; both are welcome.

Where the 36 questions come from

The list comes from a 1997 psychology study on closeness led by Arthur Aron and colleagues. Pairs of strangers spent about 45 minutes taking turns answering questions that became gradually more personal, and the researchers compared how close they felt afterwards with pairs who had ordinary small talk. The question-answering pairs reported feeling closer.

The list went viral after a 2015 New York Times essay, which is why it is so well known today. One thing is worth keeping in mind: the study measured how close people felt, not love, and there is no guarantee that anyone falls in love after 36 questions. Treat it as a kind, structured way to have the conversations that rarely get time in daily life.

What to expect

All 36 take roughly 45 minutes to an hour. Many couples do one set per evening.

Play the 36 questions free online

1. Open 36 Questions to Fall in Love and choose how to play: Same phone (one phone passed between you) or Online.
2. For online, tap Play a friend, then Create table, and send your partner the invite link. They join from their own phone or computer, no account or download needed.
3. Press Start. Online, you both see the same card at the same time, always in the original order.
4. Take turns reading, both answer, then tap Next card. Hops adds a gentle nudge now and then.

Works the same on one sofa or across time zones, so it is a good fit for long-distance couples. For more ideas, see how well do you know your partner, our guide to card games for couples and all the games for couples.

Frequently asked questions

Related guides

• Deep Questions for CouplesDeep Questions for Couples: 50+ Conversation Starters to Ask Your Partner
• This or ThatHow Well Do You Know Your Partner? A Free Game to Find Out
• Date Night QuestionsDate Night Questions: 48 Conversation Starters for Couples

All game guides →