36 Questions to Fall in Love
Couples games · The famous 36 questions, one card at a time. Three sets that take you from small talk to something real.
Play the 36 Questions to Fall in Love free online with your partner, a date or a friend. The questions come from a 1997 study on closeness by psychologist Arthur Aron and colleagues, and went viral after a 2015 New York Times essay. Play on one phone or together online with a link; there is nothing to download and no account. Our wording is our own, in the same escalating order. 36 cards in 3 sets of 12: light and curious, closer, then deep.
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How to play
- Choose how you want to play: one phone passed between you, or Online (choose Play a friend and send the link). Then press Start.
- Take turns reading the card out loud. Both of you answer it, in as much or as little detail as feels right.
- Go in order. The cards are not shuffled on purpose: Set I is light, Set II brings you closer, Set III goes deep.
- Some cards include a small task for both of you, like sharing what you like about each other. Do it before you move on.
- Optional extra at the end: sit facing each other and look into each other's eyes for four minutes, in silence. Laugh if you need to.
Tips for a great game
- Listen more than you plan your answer. The cards work because you pay full attention to each other.
- Pass on anything that feels like too much. You can skip a card or answer it shorter, and nobody is keeping score.
- Put the phone down between cards for a minute if a story needs room. The best bits often happen after the answer.
- Works for new couples, long-term couples, first dates and close friends. Set III is best saved for when you both feel relaxed.
Guides
Questions
Where do the 36 questions come from?
They come from a 1997 study by Arthur Aron and colleagues on how closeness grows between people. Strangers were paired up and took turns answering questions that got gradually more personal, for about 45 minutes. The list became famous after a 2015 New York Times essay. The cards here are written in our own words.
Will the 36 questions make us fall in love?
No guarantee. In the study, pairs felt closer after the 45 minutes than pairs who made small talk, but closeness is not the same as love. Think of it as a friendly way to talk about things you might not usually get to.
Do we have to do the four minutes of eye contact?
No, it is a playful extra. Many people find it intense, so try it only if you both want to. Two minutes, or a hug instead, works just as well.
Can we play the 36 questions online as a couple?
Yes. Choose Online, then Play a friend, and send your partner the link. You each use your own phone and see the same card at the same time. Or share one phone and take turns reading.
How long does it take?
Allow about 45 minutes to an hour for all 36 cards. You can also play one set at a time, for example one set on each of three evenings.